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Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month | How to Support a Mother Who Has Experienced a Stillbirth

October 29, 2020 by Whitney 1 Comment

Last week I received an email. The message, a very kind and thoughtful one, was quite unexpected. I made it through the entire email without crying until I glanced at the bottom and saw an image that read, “October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month.” Until that point, I’d done a pretty good job of avoiding anything dealing with pregnancy and infant loss. You see, I already knew October was Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month. I just didn’t want to really think about it.

Fast forward to my therapy appointment later that week. I went through more than half the session dry-eyed. However, the faucets turned on once I brought up a specific topic. Yes. I brought up an issue that made me cry. Genius, right?

Nonetheless, I’m glad I did bring it up because I experienced a major breakthrough. Yes, there was snotty nose, air gasping, crying. But that led me to my breakthrough. And my breakthrough gave me the courage to share today’s post.

According to the CDC website, stillbirth affects about 1 in 160 births, and each year approximately 24,000 babies are stillborn in the United States. Of those 24,000 stillborn babies, I wonder how many mothers have told their stories. I wonder how many mothers received the love, support, and encouragement they needed and deserved during such an unfathomable time.

While I can’t speak for every mother, I want to share my thoughts on what you can do if your family member or friend has experienced a stillbirth. Knowing what to say and what to do can be challenging. And to be honest, the “right thing” will be different for every mother. However, here are some acts of kindness, words of comfort, and prayers that I’m sure will help carry a grieving mother through such an unpredictable and unimaginable time.

Send Encouragement

This doesn’t have to be a glorious or expensive gesture. As long as the idea is intentional and genuinely from the heart, she’ll be most grateful. Also, remember to do these things even as the weeks and months go by. Below are a few ways you can “send encouragement.”

  • text an uplifting scripture
  • text the link to an uplifting song
  • mail a “thinking of you” card with a sweet message inside
  • mail a care package including her favorite things (i.e., snacks, sample-size beauty products, magazines, etc.)

Offer Support

  • offer to cook or bring over a meal
  • offer to run a few errands (I.e. dry cleaning, bank, post office, etc.)
  • offer to come over and tidy up the house (or hire a cleaning company to do so)
    • Remember, your friend is grieving the loss of a family member. Focusing on routine tasks such as cooking or even cleaning isn’t at the forefront of their minds right now. Do what you can to help lessen the load.
  • offer to come over, sit with her & keep her company
    • Being alone can be very difficult for a grieving mother. On the other hand, don’t get offended if she tells you she wants to be alone. Some grieving mothers find solace in stillness and in being alone.
  • if she has other children, to babysit for a while
    • During this time, she can go for a walk, nap, slip away with her husband for some quiet time, or do whatever else she needs/wants to do.

Pray

If you’re a prayer warrior, now’s the time to put in some overtime. Your prayers can be as simple or as complex as you desire. Again, the key is to be intentional and genuine. Not sure what to pray for? Start here:

  • pray that she finds a way to forgive herself
  • pray that she remains patient with herself while grieving
  • pray for peace of mind, especially during the quiet moments
  • pray that she invites God into her heart as she grieves and heals
  • if she’s married, pray that she finds comfort and solace in her husband
  • if she’s married, pray for God to cover and protect her marriage through this trying time
  • pray that she will never lose hope in the goodness of the Lord nor lose faith in herself

Also, remind the mother to be kind to herself, both mentally and physically. She’s just gone through a traumatic experience, and in the midst of it all, she was responsible for making decisions she never thought fathomable. Mentally, she’ll need time to rest and recover. Also, consider that she’ll need time to recover physically from laboring and delivering her baby.

Life after stillbirth looks different for every mother. But I am confident that every grieving mother wants to feel loved, supported, and encouraged at some point during her journey.

Filed Under: Style

September 2020 Recap

September 29, 2020 by Whitney Leave a Comment

Well, we’ve made it to the end of yet another month. It seems like these past few months have come and gone like the wind, but I’m not complaining. Thankfully, I’ve had some really great moments and above all else, I’m grateful to be here to tell about it. That said, let’s get into my September 2020 recap:

3 Things I Learned in September

  1. What I give my energy to I give life to.
  2. The more I simplify my life, the happier I am and the more at peace I become.
  3. “Just because you didn’t ask for it doesn’t mean you can’t handle it.” – Steve Furtick
Click here to read the caption for this picture.

3 Things I Loved About September

  1. Having dinner with my mother
  2. Celebrating my grandmother’s 77th birthday
  3. Spending time with my in-laws in Delaware
  4. BONUS: A weekend staycation with hubby
The Birthday Girl

3 Things I’m Looking Forward to in October

  1. Refreshing our Living Room
    • Darrius and I have been wanting new seating for our living room for about a year now. Every few weeks we go back and forth about purchasing a new sofa, but we’ve finally decided to just refresh the space in other ways. I purchased some items to give the room a tiny makeover, and I’m really looking forward to seeing it all come together.
  2. Date Night
    • Weekends used to be all about going to the movies for us. We also enjoyed an occasional weekday date night to a local restaurant. Obviously, times have changed. These days, our date nights are spent on our living room couch, binge-watching one of our favorite Hulu shows, or a new Netflix movie. While we both enjoy our time together, we miss being “out and about”. So, we’ve decided to (safely) venture out a bit this fall. Whether it’s an outdoor dining experience, a drive-in movie, or a weekend staycation, Darrius and I are looking forward to reigniting our beloved date nights.
  3. Starting a Family Scrapbook
    • I love family photos and it’s a goal of mine to create a scrapbook that I can pass down to our children. I believe creating and capturing memories with loved ones is important. So, I look forward to creating a “visual journal” of memories that will be in our family for years and years to come.
One of my favorite pictures with my FaFa (grandfather)

I hope you were able to find pockets of happiness and moments of joy this month. Enjoy the last days of September while you can, and get ready to welcome a promising new month full of unexpected blessings.

Filed Under: Style Tagged With: Monthly Recap

13 Scriptures for Hope & Healing During Trying Times

September 11, 2020 by Whitney Leave a Comment

I rely heavily on my faith in God to help guide me through life. However, it can be extremely difficult to “keep the faith” or even be filled with hope when the world around you is in complete disarray. In times like this, I have to encourage myself to dig deeper into the Word, pray more fervently, and essentially just spend more time in His presence.

As I’ve mentioned time and time again, having anchor scriptures to refer to during tough times can be extremely helpful. That said, here are 13 scripture references for hope and healing during trying times:

Scriptures for Hope

1. Matthew 28:20 (NLT)

“And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

2. Psalms 30:2 (NIV)

“Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.”

3. Psalms 42:5 (CEV)

“Why am I discouraged? Why am I restless? I should trust you, Lord. I will praise you again because you help me.”

4. Psalms 71:14 (CEV)

“I will never give up hope or stop praising you.”

5. Proverbs 16:24 (NIV)

“Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”

6. John 10:10 (CEV)

“A thief comes only to rob, kill, and destroy. I came so everyone would have life, and have it fully.”

7. 1 Peter 1:3 (NLT)

“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. It is by his great mercy that we have been born again because God raised Jesus Christ from the dead. Now we live with great expectation.”

8. Romans 5:4-5 (CEV)

“And endurance builds character, which gives us a hope that will never disappoint us. All of this happens because God has given us the Holy Spirit, who fills our hearts with his love.”

9. Jeremiah 17:14 (NIV)

“Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.”

10. Galatians 6:9 (NKJV)

“And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.”

11. Isaiah 40:31 (NIV)

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

12. Psalms 34:18 (NIV)

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

13. 2 Chronicles 7:14 (NIV)

“If my people who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”

13 Scriptures for Hope & Healing During Trying Times
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I hope you find peace and comfort in these scriptures. I also encourage you to meditate one or more of these verses for the rest of the month. I pray that you are blessed and I pray that you stay prayerful and remain hopeful.

Filed Under: Style Tagged With: faith, scriptures

Brandy & Monica Verzuz Battle | A Win for the Culture

September 10, 2020 by Whitney Leave a Comment

If you don’t know by now, I’m a child of the 90s. I grew up during a time when box braids, bangs, baggy jeans, babydoll dresses, and bucket hats were all “on trend”, at the same time. The airwaves were flooded with hip-hop and gangsta rap, girl groups and boybands, and, of course, R&B.

90s R&B will always hold a special place in my heart, but the leading ladies of this genre are undoubtedly Brandy and Monica. The two songstresses “battled” on August 31st during their session of Verzuz. For the first time since the Verzuz series began back in March, there were 1.2 million live views reported. Thus proving that Brandy and Monica are indeed 90s music royalty.

Photo Credit: BET

So, what are my thoughts on their session? In a word, EPIC. It was definitely a win for the (Black) culture. I thoroughly enjoyed the stroll down memory lane, in the comfort of my own home, where singing lead and background vocals at the top of my lungs wasn’t frowned upon. Song after song, I was transported back to my childhood.

Related: 5 Albums that Helped Shape my Life

Watching these two vocal giants interact was also refreshing. Although I did detect some standoffish and uncomfortable vibes throughout, I appreciated their commitment to the culture and to their fans. Their “rocky relationship” has been talked about in the press for years. But at the end of the day, they both carved out a lane for themselves in the music industry and bodied the charts, hit after hit. So, witnessing them come together and share some of their best and most memorable songs was a treat. And they say Black women can’t get along…

Photo Credit: Verzuz

While I love both artists and their voices, my love for Brandy reigns supreme. From an early age, I connected with her almost instantly. My love for braids came from swooning over Brandy’s braided styles throughout the 90s. And when it comes to her voice, it’s no contest for me. Brandy’s warm, rich, and sultry tone is like butter. Her harmonies and vocal stacking abilities are unmatched, and her albums, especially Full Moon, have helped me overcome some pivotal moments during my lifetime.

When it’s all said and done, there’s a winner in every battle. From her extensive catalogue to her alluring vocals, it’s Brandy for me. And it always will be.

Filed Under: Music & Entertainment, Style

August 2020 Recap

August 31, 2020 by Whitney Leave a Comment

Another month has come to an end. Can you believe it? I’m not sure about you, but August seemed to be over before it even started. I think having a lot on my plate this month caused August to seemingly fly by. Whatever the case, it’s time for another monthly recap. Let’s get into it:

3 Things I Learned in August

  1. One of my favorite books in the Bible is Job.
  2. I can keep plants alive for longer than I expected!
  3. I’m better at managing money than I give myself credit for.
My plants, Tony, Toni, & Toné are thriving!

3 Things I Loved in August

  1. Celebrating my 34th Birthday
  2. Our Family Road Trip to Detroit
  3. Watching Moesha & The Game Reruns on Netflix
All smiles on my 34th birthday!

3 Things I’m Looking Forward to in September

  1. Embracing the fall season
    • Fall is my absolute favorite season of the year. That said, I’m looking forward to crisp fall weather, watching the leaves change, and wearing thick, chunky knits!
  2. Resuming social media activity for FWIAM
    • I haven’t truly given my all to Fearless Woman I Am (FWIAM), my women’s empowerment organization, since becoming pregnant and then experiencing a stillbirth. I just wasn’t in the right headspace to uplift and encourage women while navigating through my journey of healing and recovery. Thankfully, I’m in a much better place and I’m ready to pick up where I left off. God has brought me a mighty long way, and I look forward to what He has in store for FWIAM for September and beyond.
  3. Improving my writing and storytelling skills
    • Writing is something I’ve loved to do since grade school. I also enjoy the art of storytelling. Blogging has been a great way for me to hone both skills. However, I have plans to extend my writing past my blog in the near future. So, next month, I plan to take online classes to enhance both skills.
Follow FWIAM on Instagram

Although this month was over in a blink, I’m certainly looking forward to a new month and a new season. I truly believe the next 30 days are going to be filled with unexpected blessings, answered prayers, and extraordinary moments.

Filed Under: Style Tagged With: Monthly Recap

Fearless Faith Friday | Choosing to Spend Time with God

August 21, 2020 by Whitney 1 Comment

In a world that glorifies busyness, it can be extremely difficult to “find the time” to spend with God. And because God has granted us free will, many of us never make spending time with Him a priority. Instead, we make time for work, errands, social media scrolling, Netflix binging, and whatever else our hearts desire. While I’m not condemning the many ways we choose to spend our time, I am suggesting a reevaluation of how we spend our precious 24-hour days.

The Benefits of Spending Time With God

Choosing to spend time with God is what Luke 10:42 calls, “choosing the better thing”. Rationalizing why we don’t spend time with God does nothing but push Him in the background. Doing this makes it harder to hear or even recognize His voice. That’s a scary place to be. 

So, why should we spend more time with God? Well, for starters, the more time we spend with Him the more:

  • our gifts develop
  • our faith increases
  • our purpose becomes more clear

I’m barley scratching the surface of all the incredible and miraculous things that come from spending time with God. It’s truly mind-blowing what God can do for your life, and for the life of your loved ones when you give Him your full and undivided attention.

READ: How to Build a Realthips with God

What does Spending Time with God look Like?

I approach spending time with God the same way I approach spending time with a dear friend. That means I’m fully present and ready to engage. I’m open to hearing the good and the not so good, and I look forward to possibly learning something new.

Here are a few simple ways to start spending time with God:

  • Listen to a sermon online
  • Listen to a worship playlist
  • Pray (verbally or prayer journaling)
  • Read a Daily Devotional or Bible Plan
  • Take a nature walk (and be fully present of your surroundings)
Devotionals for Women
READ: Top 4 Devotionals for Women

Things to Keep in Mind

When you decide to spend time with God be intentional. Find a quiet, distraction-free spot. You need to be somewhere you can focus. Also, have a pen and a journal ready, especially if you’re listening to a sermon or reading a Bible plan or devotional. You want to be ready to write down any passages that stand out, words you may need to look up, or practical applications to use in your daily life.

You also want to be ready to hear and record what God reveals to you during this time. Keeping a journal will allow you to look back and reflect on how much your relationship with God has grown.

READ: Studying Scripture Using the SOAP Method

As the saying goes, you make time for the things that are important to you. So, I challenge you, in the coming days, to make an intentional effort to find time to spend with God. Even if it’s just five minutes, God wants to hear from you.

Filed Under: Style Tagged With: faith, inspiration

A New Perspective on Completing Your To-Do List

August 19, 2020 by Whitney Leave a Comment

Completing Your To-Do List

On most Sunday afternoons, you can find me sitting at my desk with a warm cup of tea or a mason jar full of lemon and cucumber-infused water, jotting down a to-do list for my upcoming week. This week’s list included multiple appointments, a few deadlines, and at least three follow-up calls/or emails. I’ll also be traveling this weekend, so I made sure to include, “pack for Detroit” to the list. A few months ago, a list like this would’ve certainly triggered my anxiety. These days, instead of feeling instantly overwhelmed with a seemingly endless to-do list, I shift my thinking which allows me to refocus my approach.

Instead of accepting an initial thought of, “I have so many tasks to complete this week, I’ll never get it all done. My week will be swamped!”, I challenge myself to improve my thought to a more positive one. An example of an improved thought would be, “I’m looking forward to and prepared for a productive week. I’ll prioritize my task list and I’ll do my very best to complete each task without burning out.”

Sometimes this method takes a while to kick in and unfortunately, anxiety can rear its ugly head. When I’m aware this is happening, I stop what I’m doing and walk away. Depending on the task and the day, I’ll take a break. The break can be as short as five minutes or as long as 30 minutes. After all, my goal is to be productive and efficient, not overwhelmed, and fruitless.

More and more I’m learning that what I focus on will develop. If I focus on being overwhelmed, I become anxious. If I dwell on how long a task will take to complete, I’ll struggle my way through, and possibly miss a deadline.

I challenge you to embrace this new way of thinking about completing your to-do list. It may take some time to get used to, but keep trying. Months from now, you’ll be glad you did. Just remember: improving your thoughts to more positive ones helps increase productivity and lessen your anxiety.

Filed Under: Style

5 Albums that Helped Shaped My Life

August 11, 2020 by Whitney Leave a Comment

Last month was all about my mid-year refresh. This month, it’s all about celebration and reflection. As I mentioned in my last post, August is my birthday month. Like many of you, I’m sure, reflection and celebration are part of your birthday month. So today, on my 34th birthday, I want to celebrate my love for music by reflecting on and sharing the 5 albums that helped shape my life.

Albums That Helped Shape My Life

1. Waiting to Exhale Soundtrack, Various Artists (’95)

I remember listening to this cassette tape for the first time around 11 or 12 years old. My parents had this huge stereo in their room with a CD player, tape deck, and AM/FM radio. Every Saturday morning, my mom would play either R&B or smooth jazz music, or a combination of the two, and the music would blare from the speakers. I remember sitting on my parent’s bedroom floor one morning, thumbing through their collection, and putting this soundtrack in the tape deck. From the first song, Exhale (Shoop Shoop), I was hooked.

This soundtrack introduced me to some of the most notable 90’s female R&B voices like Chante Moore, Brandy, Toni Braxton, Mary J. Blige, Faith Evans, and of course, Whitney Houston. So, not only does this album hold nostalgic memories, but it also serves as one of the first albums that initiated my love for 90’s R&B.

2. Body Language, Boney James (’99)

The first concert I ever attended was a Boney James show. I’ll never forget how excited and “grown-up” I felt. My parents had tickets and because they couldn’t find a babysitter, I ended up being the third wheel that night. I sat in between my parents and absorbed the smooth saxophone sounds of Boney James’ album, Body Language. I’m pretty sure that was the night smooth jazz became one of my favorite genres of music to listen to. The way Boney played was magical and entertaining.

Looking back, I’m thankful that my parents exposed me to jazz at a young age. My uncle was an avid saxophone player and my grandfather played jazz music constantly. So, it’s no surprise that Boney James captured my heart the way he did. Some of my favorite songs off the album are Into the Blue, the title track, Body Language, and I’ll Always Love You, featuring Shai.

3. Mama’s Gun, Erykah Badu (’00)

This album solidified my love for Neo Soul music. Although introduced in the 1980s, Neo Soul was at its height in the early 2000s and Erykah Badu was one of the leading artists in this genre. I remember being intrigued by her light, airy, crystal clear mezzo-soprano voice. I was also taken aback by this album’s array of musical elements.

Mama’s Gun is one of Badu’s most cohesive and organically laid out albums. The song Didn’t Cha Know flows into the next song, My Life, like a waterfall. This happens throughout the album and its genius. These effortless transitions make the album so easy to listen to. As a music lover, I appreciated that in 2000 and I still do in 2020. If I can listen to an album with no skips, to me, that’s an incredible body of work. Mama’s Gun is just that.

4. Full Moon, Brandy (’02)

Brandy has been my favorite singer ever since I can remember. Even as a young girl, I knew her voice was different, but in a good way. When I reached my teen years, I truly fell in love with her voice and appreciated her range, vocals, and sheer talent.

I was 16 when this album came out and it was basically the soundtrack of my life at the time. From Can We to What About Us? to All In Me to the title track, Full Moon, this album helped me navigate my way through my teenage love life. For that, I will be forever grateful. Listening to the album at 34, I can relate to the songs even more. Full Moon is truly the gift that keeps on giving.

5. Fight of My Life, Kirk Franklin (’07)

2007 was one of my most difficult years. My grandfather passed away at the top of the year and his death hit me like a ton of bricks. I was so lost, so numb, and so heartbroken for so long. It was tough to find someone to lean on because all of us, especially my immediate family, were in so much pain. Thankfully, music, particularly this album, helped me trudge my way through the grieving process.

Even to this day, when life gets a little heavy and I find myself getting tired and weary, I can play this album and find solace. Some of my go-to songs are Hide Me, How it Used to Be, Jesus, Declaration (This Is It!), and Help Me. These songs remind me that despite the troubles I face in this life, I can always find comfort, strength, and peace in God.

5 Albums that Can Change Your Life

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Music has a fascinating way of making you feel just about every emotion. It also has the power to heal, connect, and uplift. These albums have blessed and enriched my life in many ways, and I am eternally grateful.

Filed Under: Music, Style Tagged With: Brandy, music

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